Saturday, January 3, 2009

Ed Hale's Bombshell Evidence

So in the interests of my readers (do I have any readers yet?), I forced myself to sit through a good part of Ed Hale's Plains Radio Network show last night, to catch the real-time revelation of the miracle documents he'd been promising since late 2008 (i.e., Wednesday).

To refresh your memories, here's how Hale's position was described by the Investigating Obama blog mere hours after Hale made his initial announcement:

A private investigator in Hawaii has uncovered the divorce decree for Barack Obama's father and mother, which indicates they had "one child under the age of eighteen, born in Kenya." That is the report of Ed Hale of is to receive his copy today, Wednesday, 12/31 and plans to post it graphically on the site, during the day.

Even in the original assertion he was making spin about foreign accents, bad telephone connections, and poor hearing. By late Wednesday it was announced that the release date would be delayed until Friday. By Thursday, Hale was denying that he had even uncertain information that the divorce papers said "one child under the age of eighteen, born in Kenya."

But Friday night rolled around, and as he promised, Hale produced the divorce records. And what world-shattering revelations did Hale find in these documents? Hold on to your seats, folks, because there's THREE!

- Barack's mother's name in the style of the divorce action is "Stanley Ann D. Obama"!


- Barack's father is "Barack H. Obama"!


- Barack's parents were married when he was born!

Now, to the untrained eye, all this may seem underwhelming. You may read these bombshell discoveries and think to yourself, "Um, wasn't all this public knowledge already? I mean, didn't Obama write a whole book covering this material 13 years ago? A book that was a New York Times bestseller and which won Obama a Grammy?"

(Admittedly, not everyone may be thinking about the Grammy, but it's true. In 2008, Obama won the Presidency and a Grammy for Best Spoken Word Album.)

To listen to Hale and company, the bombshell evidence here is that the divorce records are legal confirmation of the above three facts, facts which Obama has never denied and which were readily available for purchase at Amazon or your local book retailer. Of course, relying on Obama's own book wouldn't have allowed Hale the opportunity to spend over an hour of his radio show asking listeners for cash donations so that he can uncover additional bombshell information like this.

Donate $100, and maybe Hale will find Obama's high school yearbook. Donate $500 and maybe he'll dig up the President-Elect's SAT score. Donate $1000 (seriously, he claimed someone donated $1300 last night) and maybe he'll actually score an interview with Obama's college dorm R.A. I mean, the sky's the limit, people!

Of course, what Hale might produce has no bearing on what he's willing to promise today to produce later. After all, he was promising hardcore evidence of Kenyan birth on Wednesday of this week. So what did Hale promise last night?

Well, he said that the "D." in "Stanley Ann D. Obama" was the lynchpin in discovering all-new bombshell evidence confirming a Kenyan birth. Apparently the conspiracy theorists had previously been foiled by all those sundry government databases that index people only by their middle initials. And Hale & Co. had apparently failed to notice that "Dunham" began with "D." It's good to know the people defending our Constitution are such intellectual giants.

Anyhow, Hale says that thanks to that middle initial, he now has reliable sources that have already located Obama's port-of-entry birth certificate, issued four days after his birth in some as-yet-undisclosed state, confirming once and for all that Obama was born in Kenya! Sadly, Hale doesn't have a copy of this miracle document yet, but he says that if people give him enough money, he might just obtain it.

The reaction from within the conspiracy theory community to all this is actually rather split. There are those who are claiming Hale is a liar and a con-man, seeking to profit off of others' fervor. And there are others who think Hale will actually deliver on Friday's claims, even though on Friday he failed to deliver on his claims from Wednesday. Some people have short memories, I suppose.

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